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Andy Rooney Quotes


Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.

Nothing in fine print is ever good news.

Obscenities... I think a lot of dumb people do it because they can't think of what they want to say and they're frustrated. A lot of smart people do it to pretend they aren't very smart - want to be just one of the boys.

People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.

Taxes are important. President Bush's tax proposals leave no rich person behind. Voters approve of President Bush helping the kind of people they wish they were one of.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

The average bright young man who is drafted hates the whole business because an army always tries to eliminate the individual differences in men.

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort - the opening, terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing - the opening a wonderfully joyous moment.

The dullest Olympic sport is curling, whatever 'curling' means.

The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you can't eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as 'progress', doesn't spread.

The only people who say worse things about politicians that reporters do are other politicians.

The Super Bowl isn't for kids, I had a great time though and it was worth every nickel of it because by doing this lame piece about the game I can put it on my expense account.

The world must be filled with unsuccessful musical careers like mine, and it's probably a good thing. We don't need a lot of bad musicians filling the air with unnecessary sounds. Some of the professionals are bad enough.

Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.

We're all proud of making little mistakes. It gives us the feeling we don't make any big ones.

When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper.