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Bill Maher Quotes


President Bush is supporting Arnold but a lot of Republicans are not, because he is actually quite liberal. Karl Rove said if his father wasn't a Nazi, he wouldn't have any credibility with conservatives at all.

Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don't need.

Suicide is man's way of telling God, "You can't fire me - I quit."

The Bible looks like it started out as a game of Mad Libs.

The Clinton White House today said they would start to give national security and intelligence briefings to George Bush. I don't know how well this is working out. Today after the first one Bush said, 'I've got one question: What color is the red phone?'

The country has become much more conservative, partly because it's been taken over by the religious right.

The jury could get the case as early as next week, but the defense says they just want to introduce one last-minute load of crap.

The tea baggers. The one thing they hate is when you call them racist. The other thing they hate is black people. But they won't say it.

They're talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that's used by ten or more people in a week, which, I guess, means that Madonna can't even smoke in bed.

Things aren't right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?

This has been a learning experience for me. I also thought that privacy was something we were granted in the Constitution. I have learned from this when in fact the word privacy does not appear in the Constitution.

This is a ridiculous heat wave we're in right now, and to contribute, Newt Gingrich said that for the entire month of June, he will stop blowing hot air.

To me a real patriot is like a real friend. Who's your real friend? It's the person who tells you the truth. That's who my real friends are. So, you know, I think as far as our country goes, we need more people who will do that.

We are a nation that is unenlightened because of religion. I do believe that. I think religion stops people from thinking. I think it justified crazies.

We have been the cowards lobbing cruise missiles from 2,000 miles away. That's cowardly. Staying in the airplane when it hits the building, say what you want about it, it's not cowardly.

We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.

We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It's overrun with sheep and conformists.

What Democratic congressmen do to their women staffers, Republican congressmen do to the country.

When you want to make it clear to the rest of the world that you are not an imperialist, the best countries to have with you are Britain and Spain.

Whenever the people are for gay marriage or medical marijuana or assisted suicide, suddenly the "will of the people" goes out the window.