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Fran Lebowitz Quotes


Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable.

The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.

The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.

The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.

There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior.

To put it rather bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel.

Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat.

Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.

When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough.

You can't go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do.

You're only as good as your last haircut.

Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try.