Search quotes by author:    A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z 


Jeff Foxworthy Quotes


If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck.

If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.

If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.

If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.

If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a redneck.

It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.

It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.

Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on.

My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this.

My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.

Nothing in life prepares you to be famous.

Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.

People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school.

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house.

The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He's got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.

The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any more.

There's no down time any more.

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.