Rita Rudner Quotes
My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to. My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping. My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head. My mother buried three husbands - and two of them were only napping. Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them. Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid. Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire? Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be. The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him. The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down. They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one. To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior." We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet. When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always. Whenever I date a guy, I think, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'
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