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Russell Baker Quotes

A group of politicians deciding to dump a President because his morals are bad is like the Mafia getting together to bump off the Godfather for not going to church on Sunday.

Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it.

Americans like fat books and thin women.

An educated person is one who has learned that information almost always turns out to be at best incomplete and very often false, misleading, fictitious, mendacious - just dead wrong.

Anticipating that most poetry will be worse than carrying heavy luggage through O'Hare Airport, the public, to its loss, reads very little of it.

Caution: These verses may be hazardous to your solemnity.

Children rarely want to know who their parents were before they were parents, and when age finally stirs their curiosity, there is no parent left to tell them.

Don't try to make children grow up to be like you, or they may do it.

I gave up on new poetry myself 30 years ago when most of it began to read like coded messages passing between lonely aliens in a hostile world.

In America nothing dies easier than tradition.

In America, it is sport that is the opiate of the masses.

In an age when the fashion is to be in love with yourself, confessing to be in love with somebody else is an admission of unfaithfulness to one's beloved.

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say that what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down.

It seems to be a law in American life that whatever enriches us anywhere except in the wallet inevitably becomes uneconomic.

Live by publicity, you'll probably die by publicity.

Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it.

Objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories: those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of other people have been left out of the pleasure.

People who say you're just as old as you feel are all wrong, fortunately.