W. C. Fields Quotes
I must have a drink of breakfast.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
I never met a kid I liked.
I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.
I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.
I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.
It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.
Never give a sucker an even break.