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W. C. Fields Quotes


I must have a drink of breakfast.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.

I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.

I never met a kid I liked.

I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.

It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.

Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.

Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.

Never give a sucker an even break.