Funny Quotes
I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.
I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
I would talk in iambic pentameter if it were easier.
I'd luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair.
I'd never been in play long enough for the flowers to die in the dressing room.
I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way.
I'm kidding about having only a few dollars. I might have a few dollars more.
I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.
If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?
If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.
It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.
It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.
It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.
