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Fran Lebowitz Quotes

All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.

Andy Warhol made fame more famous.

As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football.

Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq.

Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.

Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step - it is an old business procedure.

Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully.

Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won't feel like watching.

Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.

Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.

Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications.

Humility is no substitute for a good personality.

I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.

I must take issue with the term 'a mere child,' for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.

I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood?

I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.