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Jackie Mason Quotes

Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if they wanted to be one?

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

If an Englishman gets run down by a truck he apologizes to the truck.

It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.

It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.