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Baldness is visually enough of a stigma as it is without a big sweaty bloke on stage pointing it out.

Johnny Vegas

For the greater good, I thought I should be a spiritual leader for people for some reason.

Johnny Vegas

Had I become a priest, the sermons would've been electric!

Johnny Vegas

I actually enjoy being heckled; it keeps it interesting, and I think it is a nice feeling for people once they have left the show.

Johnny Vegas

I also want to return to doing stand-up. I've become frightened of live audiences. This is a really telling sign that I need to go back on the comedy circuit again.

Johnny Vegas

I always feel like an interloper when I do serious drama. It's my own paranoia.

Johnny Vegas

I trained to be a priest - started to. I went to seminary school when I was 11. I wanted to be a priest, but when they told me I could never have sex, not even on my birthday, I changed my mind.

Johnny Vegas

I use very few muscles at the best of times.

Johnny Vegas

I used to be good with kids, but as I get older, I'm grumpy and terrible with them. As for doing a gig at a 6-year old's birthday party, you couldn't pay me enough.

Johnny Vegas

I'm getting positive feedback for my acting so we'll see if any other interesting parts come up.

Johnny Vegas

I've got little ankles and a bit of a belly, so it makes me look rather an egg on legs.

Johnny Vegas

I've got too much respect for stand-ups to call myself one.

Johnny Vegas

If an original piece of wardrobe came up from Star Wars, I'd probably spend a lot of money on it.

Johnny Vegas

It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether.

Johnny Vegas

My forte is playing drunks down the ages. When my agent rings me about a role, I don't ask what the part is, but what century it's in.

Johnny Vegas

My work's never been accepted by my family, but it's something I'll always carry on with.

Johnny Vegas

There's lots of stuff about me being a fan of Cliff but not being gay. Which suggests that he is, but he's not. Anyway, this is Channel 4, let their lawyers sort it out.

Johnny Vegas

There's this idea that it has to be made in London. But we've got everything up here, and if you've got comics who are gifted because of where they're from, you shouldn't drag them away from that natural resource.

Johnny Vegas

They look outside the windows of their apartment in town and realize they're not living in a terrace anymore. This is a room full of dreamers who like to go to London for a day.

Johnny Vegas

This autocue was obviously written for someone else and I've been brought in at the last minute.

Johnny Vegas