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Ryan Stiles Quotes

Back off or the lizard gets it!

I can't sprinkle sprinkles on. I lose control when I have sprinkles. I'm shaky. I still remember the great sprinkle accident of 1982.

I look like Walt Disney just threw up.

I'd rather drive the yellow brick road, you wouldn't happen to know of a rental car place around.

I'm going to buy some green bananas because by the time I get home they'll be ripe.

I'm Jim Phillips, I have multiple personalities. I'm also a skindiver, a puppeteer, and I was the tenth president of the United States.

If I could rap, that would be a sensation, but I can't, you see, I'm just a Caucasian.

If I were a man with gills, I would be a fish!

If I were as much of a man as my woman, I'd be my wife.

If I were but a man who would be tall, I would be me.

If I were like your mother, I would be a woman.

Never interrupt me when I'm eating a banana.

Never trust sheep.

That is raw dough. Never eat raw dough. They can make worms in your tummy. Worms in your tummy.

The first rule to living in America is 'Stop tap dancing, you fool!'.

The sky, the sky beyond the door is blue.

What do I do when we're not taping? Sit in a dark room and refine my plans for someday ruling Earth from a blimp. And chess.

When it comes to making love, I may not be the best, but I'm damn gouda.

You know, I've got a confession to make myself. I'm not really a priest, I've just got my shirt on backwards.