Steven Wright Quotes
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths. At one point he decided enough was enough. Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!' Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country. Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect. Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter? Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night. Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it. Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time. For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out. George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk. Hermits have no peer pressure. How young can you die of old age? I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it. I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list. I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
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