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Tom Lehrer Quotes

An actress must never lose her ego - without it she has no talent.

Apart from that Mrs Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?

Bad weather always looks worse through a window.

Be prepared, and be careful not to do your good deeds when there's no one watching you.

Counting in octal is just like counting in decimal, if you don't use your .

I feel that if a person has problems communicating the very least he can do is to shut up.

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!

I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up.

If a person feels he can't communicate, the least he can do is shut up about it.

In my youth there were words you couldn't say in front of a girl; now you can't say 'girl.'

It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.

It is sobering to consider that when Mozart was my age he had already been dead for a year.

Life is like a piano. What you get out of it depends on how you play it.

Life is like a sewer... what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

On my income tax 1040 it says "Check this box if you are blind." I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.

The Army has carried the American ideal to its logical conclusion. Not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed and color, but also on ability.

Think as you work, for in the final analysis, your worth to your company comes not only in solving problems, but also in anticipating them.

When you get to fifty-two food becomes more important than sex.