Groucho Marx Quotes
I intend to live forever, or die trying. I must confess, I was born at a very early age. I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book. I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30. I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt. I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract. I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty. I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it. I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining. I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it. I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you. If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again. In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom. It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
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