Groucho Marx Quotes
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him. Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? Marry me and I'll never look at another horse! Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something. My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one. Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you. No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early. One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know. Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member. Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies. Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does. Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted. Room service? Send up a larger room. She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution - this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths. The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
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