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Joe E. Lewis Quotes

A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.

Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to the wrong people.

I always wake up at the crack of ice.

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next to me is Dean Martin.

I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves.

I drink to forget I drink.

I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.

I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise.

I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.

I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would have taken General Custer and given points.

If you want to make a dangerous man your friend, let him do you a favor.

It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got money.

It pays to get drunk with the best people.

Show me a friend in need and I'll show you a pest.

Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants on.

Show me a man with very little money and I will show you a bum.

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.

There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty.