Funny Quotes
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Fashions have done more harm than revolutions.
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.
Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
God did not intend religion to be an exercise club.
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
Have enough sense to know, ahead of time, when your skills will not extend to wallpapering.
He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
