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Funny Quotes

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, "At my age, I don't even buy green bananas."

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

As I get older, I just prefer to knit.

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

Brought up to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I'm afraid it did.

By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.

California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.