Funny Quotes
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
I like children - fried.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
I like marriage. The idea.
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.
I never said most of the things I said.
I rant, therefore I am.
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church.
I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
I think serial monogamy says it all.
I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.
I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
